


Closure

by Akaiba



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Fix-It for that Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6736648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaiba/pseuds/Akaiba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***CIVIL WAR SPOILERS***<br/>For the Prompt:<br/>Civil war prompt: Before the mid credit scene. Buck talks to Steve about his kiss with Sharon and admits that he remembers about their past relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closure

Steve wasn’t surprised to see Bucky at his door exactly, he’d expected some sort of reaching out to happen, but Bucky had been doing his best- which was very, very good- at avoiding Steve since T’Challa had brought them to Wakanda. It was a matter of patience, T’Challa had advised him, and Steve had been patient. It had apparently paid off if the pacing man in the foyer of the quarters he had been given was anything to go by.

With that in mind Steve sat himself down on one of the couches and waited out Bucky’s agitated energy, watching him wrestle for words before he spoke. Bucky always spoke so carefully now, like words were a luxury he didn’t have to waste, and Steve was determined to listen. 

“We didn’t have… closure?” Bucky chewed syllables like it was an uphill battle to make his tongue work, the words not fitting the memories he was piecing together somewhere Steve couldn’t see. 

Steve gave him an encouraging, if sad, smile. “Not exactly. You remember the train, don’t you?”

Bucky didn’t flinch exactly, but it was definitely an unappreciative look at the reminder. Of course he remembered the train. “That isn’t what I mean.” Bucky moved behind the couch facing the one Steve was sitting on, leaning on his hand like he could think easier with a barrier between them. Maybe he could. Steve had the opposite problem. “I was gone a long time. You had Peggy, then you went into the ice, then you came out, and well, for you… it’s been years right? You got some closure right?” He was searching again. Bucky had no way of knowing, and he was still so unsure about apparently knowing Steve better than he knew himself that he wanted confirmation.

There was no way for Steve to attack that easily. He frowned at Bucky, at the expectant look the man was giving him, like he’d figured it all out. “Closure isn’t what I’d call it, Buck. Losing you was… hell.” Steve’s voice caught on the word and he wrung his clasped hands. 

“But you lost me and you got up and kept going, right? And I ain’t mad about that, God no, just… I’m remembering things. You- _us_.” 

Steve’s eyes snapped up in shock. “You are?” He’d asked about Bucky’s mental state when they’d been examining Bucky and T’Challa had just given him that gentle talk about patience. That had been no answer so Steve hadn’t hoped. 

Bucky gave a short, efficient nod. “But… I get it, Stevie.” Bucky hadn’t called him that as easily as he once had eighty years ago but hearing it now was no comfort. It felt like goodbye. “S’why I’m asking. I ain’t gonna remember some decent breakup where we agree it’s for the best or anything. There’s just gonna be pieces of you and me and us and then the train, right?” Steve couldn’t answer that either. He couldn’t guess what Bucky might or might not remember but there was definitely not going to be any memory of saying goodbye to what they had. 

“Bucky, what are you saying? What do you mean?”

Bucky’s shoulders sagged and he tugged at his hair. He used to push it out of his face when it got too long but somewhere between the ice and the bridge and the eighty years between Bucky seemed to have grown to prefer hiding behind it. “That dame who gave you and the bird-guy back your gear, you kissed her.” That same torn up but reassuring smile that made Steve’s insides twist like he was falling into the ice again was on Bucky’s face. “You moved on and I’m… glad.” His mouth framed the word like he was anything but ‘glad’. “S’just I’m remembering and it feels like it should still be how it was and… it isn’t. I ain’t that guy and neither are you. I just… it was good, right? What we had?”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” Steve sucked in a breath through his teeth as he stood up, hands as shaky as his voice. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Bucky frowned at him, “I ain’t the one kissing dames in front of you, so… yeah? Kinda figured it was done.”

“You jerk!” Steve snapped. “You tell me you remember and then, what, see ya later?! You’re right, I had years, but I haven’t had any damn closure! I lost Peggy and then there you were, after looking for you for years, looking at me like you wanted to be as far away from me as you could!”

Bucky’s hand looked like it wanted to fold across his chest but without the metal one to finish the pose it wouldn’t work, so instead it clenched fitfully at his side. “You moved on, Rogers. That’s expected. I’m just… filing the paperwork. Now I get to, too.”

“’Filing the’… you got some nerve, Barnes.” Steve was moving, rounding the couch as Bucky mirrored him and kept the couch between them. “I never moved on! You _died_! You don’t just get closure from that!”

“Then why-”

“Because I am not okay!” Steve’s hands braced on the back of the couch like he was going to vault it but instead he dug his nails into the fabric. “I haven’t been okay since… since…” Steve’s throat wouldn’t work but by the look on Bucky’s face he didn’t need to finish the sentence. Bucky had been there, and he remembered enough. He remembered Steve screaming his name. “But I couldn’t… you didn’t remember. I didn’t want to make you.” Steve bowed his head, anger wilting away. “But you’re it, Buck. Always were.”

The silence was crushing and it just persisted, like it was Bucky’s answer and Steve could feel his heart breaking again like he was watching Bucky fall _again_. Then he looked up and saw Bucky shaking his head at him.

“I still ain’t hearing ‘sorry, Buck, I shouldn’t ‘ave kissed that dame’, or ‘I still love you and I’m so sorry, take me back’. There should be a sorry in there somewhere.” He sighed at Steve’s stupefied expression, moving towards him with a cagey wariness Steve was certain would never fade. “Look, punk. I ain’t him. Not enough of him, anyway.”

“I don’t care, Buck, I-”

Bucky sighed loudly, “Lemme finish. This conversation is gonna be closure either way.” Steve’s mouth closed obediently but he wanted to protest loudly that that wasn’t what he wanted at all. “’Cause like it or not, we can’t go back. So this is an ending either way, but… don’t mean we can’t start over?”

Steve lurched forward a step. “Buck-!”

“Maybe!” Bucky took a step back, wary of the suddenly beaming man looming towards him. “It was a maybe! I’m still pissed at you!” Steve’s grin wouldn’t fade and Bucky glared at him, not at all succeeding in deterring him as he swept Bucky into a tight embrace. “I’m still pissed!” Bucky insisted.

Steve was okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: akaiba.tumblr.com


End file.
